There was this one song playing at Panera earlier (where I am sitting right now, waiting to go into work) and I heard this song, which kept repeating the lyrics, 'I'm looking forward to looking back.' I've never heard this song but the lyrics kind of baffled me, so I researched and it's by Mandy Moore (which took me by complete surprise because it sounds nothing like what her voice has always sounded like) and it's basically about a girl breaking up/leaving her boyfriend and she's 'looking forward to looking back' on the memories that they created. And really that logic makes no sense to me whatsoever. But I also may not be understanding the song so well, I do that sometimes. But that line really is weird, 'looking forward to looking back.'
Sometimes their is a kind of weird thing with memories, or at least he process of making them. I don't really look forward to things with the attitude of 'looking back' on them. but there's also this too, I'm a highly sentimental person, I take pictures and make videos like crazy. And sometimes I think, "Oh, I want to do this because it would make an awesome Youtube video", but there's a difference to it because I don't do it just because of wanting to make the Youtube video but I also want to experience it. And experiences are what make up life. I think it's really hard now-a-days with all the sharing of social media and for people to really do things for the experience I mean, there's so much sharing and connecting, and I think it's wonderful and beautiful how we can cannot to other humans life through this sharing. It really is amazing. But sometimes I think, how much of this is real? How much is something they really enjoying and having fun and how much of it is just an act for the camera, an opportunity to get a new Facebook profile picture, or share a exciting tweet? And I'm not really guilt free in it, but I do try to go into things with the attitude of of really doing them and not just recording them. So I don't want to look at things and think "I'm looking forward to looking back", I want to go into things thinking hey, I'm looking forward to the here and now,what I'm really living. And hey, maybe it would be nice to make a video of it or take some pictures of it. there's this one quote that one of my favorite Youtubers, Shawna (Nanalew) says. she showed a few clips from a time she went on tour, but only a few. At the end of the video she says she didn't take anymore because sometimes, "You have to live through these lenses," and refers to her eyes. And I think that's true. I also think recording things is beautiful as well, but both should be within a balance.
I think about it like this. On the last day of my eighth grade year I discovered that I had a video camera on my cell phone. The last days of school are usually famous for doing nothing, and sot hat's what me and my friends were doing, schoolwork wise. But we were actually acting really goofy and crazy and just being crazy teenagers. And so I decided to record a few videos on my phone. The thing is, I didn't have a Youtube channel then (I didn't even know what Youtube was then, it was to discovered that summer) and the only internet things I used were my Myspace and several anime forums. But nothing else. I never managed to get the clips off my phone and I ended losing said phone. And I really regret it, because I would love to look back on those clips now and see them. But I didn't take them because I was looking forward to looking back, on that day I made those clips for the right reason.
Fin.
-Keshia
Currently Reading The View From the Seventh Layer by Kevin Brockmieir
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