Hullo there...it's been slightly a bit.
So I've been doing this thing lately where I'm reading through my old journals. I've done it before, plenty of times, but mostly just skimming and reading certain sections. I have never just sat down and read through them all. And this is my intent this time, though it's probably going to take a bit...a while. I have filled up twenty-six notebooks, some tiny and some massive. And then there's all my regular reading and writing and all this stuff. Plus I want to take my time with it. I really want to examine the person I used to be and the person I am.
The thing about reading journals is that you learn so much about yourself. I was so terribly ignorant when I was younger and I really fear that I'm going to be reading my journals five years in the future and think about how ignorant I am now. Well...no, I know this will happen. It's not really a fear more of a, 'God, what am I doing wrong now that my older self with judge and laugh at.' And some people may think, no, you won't. The different between being twenty and being twenty five isn't that much. Whereas the difference in between being fifteen and being twenty is massive. But I don't like to think it that way, I like to think that I'm always changing and developing. That I am always a different kind of person. I am not even the same person that I was five minutes ago. But it's also funny, reading through them about how different and the same I am. I have these habits that never die, like making piles and piles of lists I hardly ever use. By always promising myself to get better, by always complaining. My journal is just a rant fest sometimes. And cheesy, I'm one crazy cheesy person. I was when I started my journal and I still am. But so much is different, I know so much more about the world. I can comprehend so much more. I read my journals in my head in the voice of a silly girl, because I look back at so many of the things I said, so many of the things I did and think about how silly it all was. And think about hwo beautiful it all is. It's life. And it's wonderous and scary and silly and great. And I just love that I have my journal, I have things like my blog. I love that I can record and know so much of it.
Fin.
-Keshia
