From Lena, entry October 7th, 12:41am
I'm about how I get uglier and uglier everyday. About how I take all these damn photos for no real reason. I'm thinking about much prettier I was last year than I am right now. And how the year before that, even better. I'm thinking about how I can see it, how it creeps its way into the pictures. And how I can only see what I am now, which is ugly.
I'm thinking about I've had two relationships in the past two years and how those people are not even relevent to me anymore. How is it that something that seemed knit together before it nothing but frays?
I'm thinking about how I haven't made any lasting friendships in the last two years (in real life). About how I have met no one new and actually been able to catch them. No one wants to be and stay my friend.
I'm thinkign about how people tell me my anxiety and depression doesn't define me but that actually is it. That's why there is so much running away. That's why I'm uglier everyday. That's why no one wants to be with me. That's why no only wants to stay my friend. It's not you, Keshia, and it's not even me. It's your anxiety. It repels me.
I'm thinking about how much I hate myself and how no one can really tell how much I do and how no one would believe me even if I tried to tell them.
Fin.
-Keshia
