In the past two weeks things have
happened. I quit my job in food service, replacing it with a job
working on campus at the writing center and another as an Aspire
tutor. I was selected to be Secretary of Sigma Tau Delta. I attended
the Auburn Writer's Conference. I was accepted into the McNair
Scholars Program. And there are other things too, general things
which have been occupying my time since school has started. I've
been working as an officer in both Korean Culture Club and Whovian
Society. I've written several spreads for The Montage; and I've been
working on revision for a piece I'm submitting to The Tower, our
school's literary magazine. And with all these things I feel like I'm
allowed to finally be proud of myself again.
A few weeks ago, on the first day of
fall, I decided it was time to change. Other than existing, than
going through the motions of school and work everyday, I wasn't
really accomplishing anything. And that's just not the feeling that
I'm used to. I remember being the girl who always had something to
do. There was a book to read, a story to write, a flag routine to
practice, a show to design makeup for, classes to study for. And
somehow I lost that, I lost myself along the way. Or at least the me
I could be proud of. Sometimes, most of the time, really, I am too
personal on this blog for sharing with the whole internet. But that's
okay, I'm an over-sharer. I'm dying to tell people my life story,
just say hey and I'll let you know everything. I mean, why else would
I be writing a blog about subjects mostly pertaining to my personal
life? So here it is again, me over sharing—I have felt lost. I'm
not sure how I got lost, there's not a location to pinpoint. And some
of it has been extraneous things, outside forces I could not control.
But a lot of it, really, has been me. The saddest part too, is that I
probably didn't realize I was lost, and I'm just now starting to see
now that I'm finding myself again. God, isn't that cheesy? On this
blog of blog, with bad grammar and writing, I say the cheesiest
things. But I can't find any way to describe it other than bruised
cliches and lost phrases. I feel more myself now than I have in a
long time, and damn, that is such a good feeling to have.
And I'm not stopping just here. I'm
going to be working on submitting to more literary magazines,
attending a few more conferences, doing undergraduate research. It's
easier to keep my fingers on the pause button but I'm little bit
tired of it now. I wake up everyday and feel a little bit better than
I used to. I find something different to look forward to everyday.
It' scary, though, because I'm not how sure this will last. But I'm
not intending on wasting anytime while it still does.
For now I am okay. And what a great
thing that is to say.
I am okay.
Fin.
-Keshia
