"When you reach for the stars, don't forget who you are. Please don't turn around and grow up way too fast."
You could be wonderful, you, person who cries all night. Because there is so much potential, so much beauty to being a human. There is too much for you to ever even grasp. It's in every grain of sand scattered across thousands of beaches and feelings we all have and deny together. You need to cherish moments, the things that make you smile on a daily basis, like all the incredible music in the world or the sight of two people holding hands. Don't you know, don't you see that? You shouldn't feel bad, you know, for the people stuck in boxes, for the ones who live life for nothing in particular. The wondering soul thinks they are blessed, but really they're not, because they don't know they wander, they feel stable. But they're not. And it's hard, the words, the words you need to say. Remember when you were younger and in the night in your bed how you felt like you were flying. It was somewhere in between sleep and dreaming, waiting on the edges for Peter Pan and you felt yourself lifting, the floating and merging. It was like a kaleidoscope, the dizziness and yet wonderful feeling of it all. You know what I'm talking about, when you twist it and the colors swoop together, an emblazoned blur, scattered in a time and space where thoughts cannot be fully formed and the world makes no sense yet so, so real. And then colors settled, you could see again. Well the flying, the flying was like that, the moments in between. And you know that's how you do it right, how you keep the things you need to keep. You don't fall in the settled moments, you don't listen to what they say. You live between the time, between the feelings, where the world is flying. Don't you know that? Because you are smart, smarter than you ever know, you have these thoughts that are hard but easy. Because how can the world know, how can they really, if you haven't learned how to show them yet. And there was that one horrible night, do you remember it? You woke up crying, you woke up with it gone. You had no clue, couldn't even know, of the moments in between. Fleeting and flying colors. In your dream that night you tried to fly but you couldn't. You tried to lift up but you were too heavy, the balance was off. And he told you, the wise one, he told you, you couldn't anymore. And so you didn't. Have you come to know that is your greatest flaw? You put too much faith in humanity and not in yourself. You are part of it and not, a person different and same. But listening is so easy, isn't it? Because you think you're blind, a blind person walking around in the world. You think you can't see yourself because you think that your thoughts are not there, not really. And it's only because you don't know, you don't know there in the between, between sleep and dreaming, between the settling of colors. And even if you do know, you don't know how to reach them again, now do you? And so you're blind and you let people tell you, you let them tell you who you are. You allow the world to see for you, not for you to see the world. And please, please stop doing that. It's hard, the hardest thing ever. But don't you think if you could go back to that moment when he told you couldn't fly then you would say no and soar off, don't you think you could? But it's only a dream, silly. There should be someone out there, someone who could see through your eyes. Because it only takes one, one simple person and blast off, you're shining again. You are back there again. He's kind and wise but he doesn't know it all, you know? You trust him with your life, you can do that. But he lied to you, he told you that you couldn't fly. And have you ever wondered why? Trust yourself, can you do that? I know it's bridge, right? That's what life seems like right now, one of those bridges hanging over the cliff, made of wooden planks, but so old they have begun to fall away. You cross with your blind eyes, hoping you can make it across. But you let other people guide you. Human beings, we're all so wonderful, but all so horrible at the same time. We're the only creatures who can be filled with so much wrath and joy, and that's why we're conflicted. We try to choose a side but we know we really can't. They'll push you to an empty spot of that bridge, that's a promise. And as you fall, they laugh. But it hurts so much to open your eyes and just see. Because you're human, you're weak and strong, kind and mean, loud and quiet, everything so opposite. And you just don't want to choose a side, but you don't know how to be both. Why do you live now for the moments of silence. You settle in bed, you're warm and safe. And you feel yourself again, you feel the pulling, fleeting but there. You were flying, just for moments. And then you're crying again, it starts all over. It hurts, it hurts. And so you hurt, hurt yourself for being so blind. You stupid, stupid girl. I want you to know that I'm here, because you have to know there are two parts of you. I am the part you keep hidden, I am here in the in between. And it's beautiful here, I really want you here too. I wish, I wish so much. I cry because I miss you, I miss the person we used to be. Too many fine lines, too many changes, too many of anything. It could be better, we could hide forever.
Endless Rambling.
Fin.
-Keshia
Currently Reading The Cry of the South by Lila Dostel
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