I think and internal journey for everyone has to be one
towards perfection. Almost all human beings, in general, have this push factor
to us where we strive for perfection with our every labored breath. Then there
are other for whom the word 'motivation' doesn't even penetrate the thick walls
of their being. Think about it in this way, because I think about it a lot. Are
you happy with the person you were before? Are you happy as the person you are
now? Do you think you will be happy with the person you hope to be in the future?
Most people, I think, will answer no to the first one. It's
kind of a general rule that people generally get better with age, knowledge,
experience, and etc…But we also lose parts of ourselves as we go on. There are
good, amazing parts to us that life either forces us to leave behind and forget
about. And while, like I said before, I think most people will say they don't
want to return to the person they were in the past--they don't mean that to its
full extent. Because think about it, think about the way the corners of someone
lips tug up into a smile when they think about a memory, think about the dazzle
in their eye when they look at a younger picture of themselves. "Look at
how cute I was then, and look at me now," they'll tell you, clinging on to
the pictures of the past.
And then there's the you that you are now. Do you know, there
is no one around who is youer than you? That last sentence all goes in credit
to Dr. Suess. But it is true, you know? But do you like yourself? My guilty conscious
reveals, hey, I really don't myself. I try, and there is so much to improve
upon, so much I could be better at. I spend way too much of my time thinking
about how pathetic I am. And I know it's bad and horrible and thinking about
how bad and horrible it is only makes me feel even more pathetic. It's kind of
like this eternal self hating maze to be stuck in. And so, you don't like
yourself, change yourself, right? It's really not that easy. And I always feel
always on the brink of perfection. And I'm too Gatsby crazy at the moment. So think
of it like the Green light, Gatsby can never really reach it. But he's right on
the edge of almost reaching it, or so he feels it.
And the future self. The one I'm sure is flowing with
perfection. The one who is in your mind the one who has everything worked out. This
is the one you're going to be, right? But when? That's the relevant question.
I think in small ways that pieces of ourselves are left
scattered across all of our time, all of our time, from start to finish. The
you from before, now, and then. And there's too much changing with being a
human being. You can only perfection if you catch all the pieces all over the
place. But that's the thing right, the human life is more of a line than a
circle, you can't loop back to the past and pick the pieces up you left behind
nor can you drive forward and snatch the ones there. You have to go forward,
trying to gather the pieces. And I'm telling you, there are far too many to
hold. What again, if perfection anyways.
Fin.
-Keshia
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