French Class

For some reason I've always seemed to wonder whether there actual good people out there. I think too much, I know I do. There are plenty of nice people, those who like me, are kind but too perpendicular in their morals to ever be considered a good person. But I think you'll occasionaly find someone who is stupendous. A person who is just good without reason, they are just good people. It's not momentus, but I think I found one of those people. I may be overstepping my boundries, I just want to find a good person. Uggh....now I'm lost, I hardly know what I'm talking about anymore.

Stephanie Blake

"You...how do I contemplate you."

Patience is not something I have-I want to be done now. Isn't it old and lost?

Hats

C: I see you, can't you see me? Why are your thoughts different? Everyone else hides under comfort, they tell me it will all be okay. Liars. You tell me to get over it. You can be a serious bitch sometimes. But it helps. Helps me understand.

Why can't I be more than Keshia Mcclantoc?

5 more minutes....
Je suis anana!
-Adieu

Ciao

Discoveries....

I'm terribly inconsistent.
I know I am.
But I can't help it.

So just a few minutes ago I finished a two hour search. What was this search? It was a search through all the Bloggers here from my own hometown, little Mobile, Alabama.

I got too many results.

I realize..

...that I have too many passions in life. when some of those things conflict then I'm always one in trouble, God, I hate it. I feel like today is blame Keshia for the whole wordl day.
I'm going to make a chain of memories, see ya later alligator...


The sad part is, I'm not even happy, I'm putting on a front even in my words. See the previous post to know what I mean. Blah, but I was happy today...it's been a rollarcoaster.

I am so tired...

Of putting on a happy face. I wish I could be sad withour reason or chance. Well, I'm never sad without reason, I just wish I could be sad without having to explain myself. It's so hard to always force a smile. I need a day where I am allowed to be depressed without anyone bothering me.

I need a car....

I've been too addicted to Spider Solitiare lately, it's so much easier then regular solitaire where you have to match up with colors. I terrible at Spider Solitire, so regular solitiare is a nightmare. I've never been good at puzzles.

I wish I had my own car. I hate the fact that I, as an eighteen year old girl, have no form of transportation at all. It really upsets me. If I ever have kids they are getting cars for their 16th birthday, whether that makes them spoiled or not I don't really care. I want to be unlike my Mom and have children who actually have more than just what they need. They should get a little of what they want every now and then. I'm on a high horse, I know I'm better than my mom. In the realm of things of good and bad I know this is something bad, but I just can't seem to get off the horse. I think I want myself to be selfish and bratty in this way because I know the one thing I will be in life is better than my mom. But as I was saying and before I ramble on too much and let you know just how much of a bitch I can truly be, let's talk about cars. I want a car, a car just to help me before I leave Washington.
It has to do with the fact that before I leave Alabama I want to drive around and say goodbye to everything, it sounds stupid and sentimental but I'm a stupid and sentimental person. Seeing as my mom has a car and I don't, this is not going to happen. I want to say goodbye to Alabama because it's beautiful. Despite how much I complain about redneck hicks, the hot weather, the anything else I still love this place. I'm going to miss it with a passion so much that I'll probably just burst over into a mess of tears after I leave. I'm going to be such a rollarcoaster then, I know I will be. I'll be happy about Washington and sad about Alabama.
But there's so much. Alabama has white sand beaches, Washington does not. Alabama has the amazing Munnicipal Park, and while sure Washington has amazing parks it does not have that one. Alabama has these incredible Meusems and other places that I was always forced to on fieldtrips when I was younger but never truly apprieciated. Now I apprieciate them and have no opportunity to visit them. Also, I've never walked around downtown Mobile. I mean, truly, I've only walked around a little during Mardi Gras but nothing much else. There's so much I need to do before I leave Alabama, before I leave this truly incredible place...but I can't, and the biggest problem has to do with not having a car.

I wish I was a cat. They are so carefree and lazy but fun at the same time. Oh, if I was a cat then indeed my life would be great.

Apartments and Senior-ness

I really need to post in here more, it's been what, 14 days. But what do I do when I get on the internet? I got to Youtube and listen to music. But Youtube is being terribly slow right now, I think I may just die; it's my internet home.

In Washington I'm getting my own apartment, I've already found one too. A nice studio apartment, it's perfect. However, Mom doesn't know this. And she won't know. It's not like she cares enough to even read or know I have a blog. Well, she doesn't care about anything involving me much.

We took senior superlative pictures the other day. It was terrible and uncomfortable, things never go the way I picture them in my head. I never expect them too, but I somehow I want them to have a hint or even a tidbit of how I imagined them, BUT NO, it just comes out wrong. Preppy people were dressed better than me and they let me know too. And then there was the fact that I could only find myself comfortable talking to a few people, and even then the air was filled with little bubbles of awkward turtle-ness. I'm not even sure how turtles could be awkward, if they were trapped on their backs and couldn't get up I would find it cute, then feel bad for them and help them up. I wish someone would feel bad for me and help me get out of awkward-ness. I'm eighteen years old, it honestly should be gone now. Uggh, what a pathetic thing to feel the need to be pitied. And then there's the fact that I was Senior Superlative for Drama. Dont's get me wrong, I love Theatre. When Mr. Browne announced that I was Senior Superlative I was estatic. But I had so many plans back in freshman year. I was going to be Language Arts Superlative (although I was told I would've been if I hadn't dropped AP classes) and I was going to be in the top ten. But it didn't happen, I had to sit there and watch the top ten take there pictures. I think I'm maybe 28 in a class of about 200, which I suppose is good but I still feel as though I've failed myself. I really think I hate being a senior, but I really love it at the same time. I wish I could do the Time Warp dance and go back in time to freshman year, I was so stupid then. I'm probably still stupid now but I like to think that I've at least matured a little in the past four years of my life. Some of the choices I made back then, oh, they were just terrible. I mean, I really had self-asteem issues. Now, I still have issues but know that I'm so much better then I was back then. I care much too much about what people think of me.

Blah.

I've been grumpy lately, if you can't tell.

"Some days your's the windsheild, some days you're the bug."

I need...

To be more organized in life. ALOT more organized.