Apartments and Senior-ness

I really need to post in here more, it's been what, 14 days. But what do I do when I get on the internet? I got to Youtube and listen to music. But Youtube is being terribly slow right now, I think I may just die; it's my internet home.

In Washington I'm getting my own apartment, I've already found one too. A nice studio apartment, it's perfect. However, Mom doesn't know this. And she won't know. It's not like she cares enough to even read or know I have a blog. Well, she doesn't care about anything involving me much.

We took senior superlative pictures the other day. It was terrible and uncomfortable, things never go the way I picture them in my head. I never expect them too, but I somehow I want them to have a hint or even a tidbit of how I imagined them, BUT NO, it just comes out wrong. Preppy people were dressed better than me and they let me know too. And then there was the fact that I could only find myself comfortable talking to a few people, and even then the air was filled with little bubbles of awkward turtle-ness. I'm not even sure how turtles could be awkward, if they were trapped on their backs and couldn't get up I would find it cute, then feel bad for them and help them up. I wish someone would feel bad for me and help me get out of awkward-ness. I'm eighteen years old, it honestly should be gone now. Uggh, what a pathetic thing to feel the need to be pitied. And then there's the fact that I was Senior Superlative for Drama. Dont's get me wrong, I love Theatre. When Mr. Browne announced that I was Senior Superlative I was estatic. But I had so many plans back in freshman year. I was going to be Language Arts Superlative (although I was told I would've been if I hadn't dropped AP classes) and I was going to be in the top ten. But it didn't happen, I had to sit there and watch the top ten take there pictures. I think I'm maybe 28 in a class of about 200, which I suppose is good but I still feel as though I've failed myself. I really think I hate being a senior, but I really love it at the same time. I wish I could do the Time Warp dance and go back in time to freshman year, I was so stupid then. I'm probably still stupid now but I like to think that I've at least matured a little in the past four years of my life. Some of the choices I made back then, oh, they were just terrible. I mean, I really had self-asteem issues. Now, I still have issues but know that I'm so much better then I was back then. I care much too much about what people think of me.

Blah.

I've been grumpy lately, if you can't tell.

"Some days your's the windsheild, some days you're the bug."