Fifty Things.

The last time I wrote in this blog, in fact, even touched it, was in October. I think in maybe the four years of history of this thing, seven months is about the longest gap I've ever taken in between writing. My life as of late has been something along the lines of these two photos, but not in  bad sort of way, just in an "oh look at that" sort of way. Alot has changed for me in the past seven months, and I'd like to imagine I'm doing much better than when I last wrote in here. And I learned alot in that time too, so yeah, here's a list of things. And then maybe, just maybe, I'll start writing in here again like I used to.

1. I cannot climb trees like I used to.
2.  Alabama parking lots are the bane of my existance. People in parking lots make me murderous and honestly I should be proud I haven't killed anyone yet.
3. Snow is powdery, and less cold than the coldest days, and brilliant and beautiful, and should happen every year. Also, snowcream is the most wonderful stuff in all of existance.
4. There will always be one song in every musical that I hate.
5. My life is so much better now that I don't work at Panera Bread and I never wanna put myself in an opressive workplace like that again.
6. I will always, inevietably, tell my mother everything.
7. Taking care of the people I care about will always be worth it.
8. Christmas has stopped being magical.
9. Halloween gets more magical.
10. I love sex and I am okay with admitting that because it is wonderful and great and a way to connect to people. And people who deny themselves that really are missing out.
11. And on that note, it's honestly not that hard to convince people to have sex. Either that or I'm more attractive than I imagine myself to be.
12. It is okay to be average, and okay to know that even if I try my hardest I will not always do my best.
13. I will never be able to vlog everyday of the year.
14. I have charm, and no matter how much I like to deny this, I know how to use it.
15. My fandoms will always take care of me.
16. A group of strangers who I met on the internet and have never seen in real life can comfort me better than most people in real life.
17. Nothing is more exciting than a new tattoo.
18. I only have the capacity for so much and so many connections and as much as I would love to befriend all the wonderful people I could possibly befriend, it is impossible.
19. Strangers are nicer than I think.
20. Every year kids will seem shittier and shittier than I thought they were before. Every year just adds more incentive not to have them.
21. In the end, Rickel Pickle will always save me.
22. I want nothing more than to get to know Bryn Chancellor as much as I possibly can.
23. As much as I can explain things to people I cannot understand it for them. And that is not my fault.
24. And in remembering that, I cannot blame another person when I do not understand them.
25. I have to stop forcing myself to feel guilty about the people it is nesscary to be a bitch to.
26. And on that note, being bitchier to those I don't care about and nicer to those I do care about it needed.
27. If I ever had doubts about whether I was a feminist before, I certainly have none now.
28. Having my opinions and telling them to people isn't that bad.
29. It probably would have been better had I been born in the 70's (for reasons, I would like to point out, NOT related to feminism).
30. People are easy until you start to love them.
31. I save people, or so they tell me.
32. I am more self involved than anyone will ever know.
33. I have always been lazy, just now it's more dissapointing.
34. I dissallussion myself a lot because I like my fantasies of things better than I like the reality of them.
35. Nothing feels better than standing on Palmer stage during College Night season. And nothing in the world makes me feel more connected to friends, strangers, and history than knowing that Purple Side won.
36. Don't deny my anger.
37. I am better than some people but I have to judge when and when not to let them know.
38. A game called Ingress is very important in my life.
39. Caitie White is sincerely one of the best human beings I have ever met in my life.
40. I want to write a memoir before I die.
41. I want someone else to write a memoir for me after I die.
42. I can probably analyze everything, find metaphors from nothing.
43. My past self was smarter than I remember her to be in some ways better than I am now.
44. Nothing will ever be harder than writing everything over again.
45. I've gone two months without certain things and I can probably go longer.
46. I will take all the time I've been given and probably more.
47. I can write essays worthy of A's in the shortest amounts of time.
48. It will probably keep getting harder. I will wake up everyday and be heavier with something than I was before.
49. Despite how unreal it all feels before, know that it did happen.
50. I am not the same person I was seven months ago. I was not the same person I was even seven weeks, seven days, or seven seconds ago and no one can expect me to be.

Fin.
-Keshia