Do you know that's my favorite word to apply to myself? And it's because I really am. I have this ability to do nothing but bad. The hardest part about being positive is attempting to sort through the piles of negative shit I think about myself. And really, not just piles, but mountains. I know they are silly to have. But I can't help it. But I think of it like this. How can I be good when I feel bad about being good? I grew up in such a way that feeling confident with yourself was tagged along with words like narcissistic and selfish. It's playing the blame game, though, isn't it? Because by the time you're twenty shouldn't you have grown out of, or at least had the opportunities to grow out of, the senseless things from childhood that made you the way you are. It's about being tall enough, tall enough to see beyond the problems that keep me bound. And it's like I'm jumping with all my might but not even being strong enough to peek over the edge. And I'm so damn sore and tired. And the 'I can't do it' phrases are crushing me.
Fin.
-Keshia
Fin.
-Keshia
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