Replies for Caitie.

Above is a video that I feel like anyone who considers themselves an introvert should see. It's beautiful; it captures my exact feelings on being an introvert.

Okay, so what is this? This is me responding to something my pen pal and I wrote about in one her previous letters. For some reason I had this idea about addressing it in my blog post because it is something I talk about often in her. On being an introvert.

 

Sometimes I think the world would be so much nicer if we were awake at night and during the day. We could awake to a sunset and it would be beautiful. And then we would be in the dark, reaching out for each other. We would be each others light and there would be shadows, people who needed the shadows could have them. And we would always have the stars, those beautiful stars there to star at us.

Caitie, you talked about how to find comfort in solitude and I can definitely agree with that. There is a certain magic to solitude, right. It's not just that you can do so many things we're you're alone but it's just that you're alone. And it's so wonderful to be alone; there is not anyone there to bother you. And I feel the isolation too, in big crowds. It's kind of scared how harsh it is. But it's there. Even when I'm with, say, a group of friends who I feel like really care about me, I feel isolated in so many ways. And I feel isolated when I'm alone too. And I miss people and I want them, but when I want to be alone, I want to be alone and that is that. I see no problem with my completely introverted behavior and I really don't think you should find fault in yours either. But it's so odd, because I miss people and want to be with them and at the same time I want to be alone. And when I am with people I don't want to feel isolated. I think sometimes maybe that's why I make myself more alone than with people, because the feeling of being lonely with people is far worse than the feeling of being lonely when alone, at least it is too me. But it far more complicated than that because I'm not just lonely when I'm alone. Loneliness and solitude are two completely different things and it's hard for most people to see that. And I isolate myself a lot because people think I am lonely or I make myself needlessly lonely. It's like I'm sitting there and I'm already feeling lonely, and I'm told that I'm lonely because I always make myself alone. And in this thought there are pillows around me, all around me, and because I'm being told I'm lonely I gather all the pillows and put them around myself until I'm stuck inside of some little cocoon of being alone, trapped in my own loneliness. But it's so hard to see that sometimes that it what helps me, because I am away from the world and I come to accept being alone doesn't always mean being lonely or isolated. And for that I emerge feeling better about being alone than I ever was. Does that make any sense at all, I'm really just babbling. And I don't feel as though that is a fair explanation to you, but it all gets so complicated in my head that it's hard to put it into words. It's like I'm spinning a web around myself and before I know it I'm stuck in it all and can't get myself out. But mostly what I'm trying to say Caitie is that I understand you, or at least think I do. I hope you see me as understanding and in that you find less isolation. I know you make me feel less isolated, all the time, your letters are these little drops of pure magic to me. They let me know that even being so far away from someone I can still have parts of me understood. If that makes sense, it probably doesn’t. Nothing I ever think in my head comes out how I mean it in words. I think we can have adventures Caitie, I really do. I hope for that one day, and to make sense of everything we feel.

Fin.

-Keshia

Currently Reading Confessions of a Philosopher by Bryan Magee