A Letter to God.

Dear God,

I'm Keshia, you've probably forgotten about me by now. So let me tell you about me, the current me. I regularly curse (a lot) and I've had pre-marital sex. I have a lot of mean and cruel thoughts, although I usually try to avoid saying them. I don't pray, go to church, or have the ultimate faith in you that I used to. You see, God, I've taken to reading my old journals lately and I used to not be able to go two paragraphs without mentioning you. I loved you so damn much.
I still believe in you, I do. I know this world cannot exist with so much beauty without something out there being bigger than us. You have to exist. But there's also a lot of wrath and hate in this world. Something I think you should understand, and something that a lot of  peopl need to understand is that you, God, created both the bad and the good. Even if Satan was somehow the creator of all this evil in the world it still wouldn't matter, you made him. You need to own up and be responsible. You made us imperfect creatures so as long as we apologize and try to be a good person I think we should be forgiven. I don't think we should have to do all this extra stuff and listen to all that bull shit that the bible feeds us. The bull shit that makes us close minded people. Instead I think you should cherish the life you gave us and truly live it.

To be honest, I know you didn't do this on purpose. I'm sure you're more disappointed in yourself for creating this world than you are disappointed in us for destroying it. But the thing is, I think you still love us even if we don't do what falls in your good opinion. I still have that much faith in you. Because you see God, I want to curse and I want to have sex. I want to be lazy and not make the effort to go to church because I'd rather not hear someone's opinion on what you think. No one knows what you're thinking. And I don't want to get down on my knees and pray. I expect you hear everything that you created, every tear drop on a little's girl face and every laugh from two people who are in love. If you're our father, then you should seek us out, we shouldn't have to seek you out? And above all, I do not want to believe in the bible. Almost everything in there is shit, honestly. I mean, how can you call something a divine word when it implores that some of us are wrong and sinful simply for being ourselves and existing? It's too frustrating, I don't like the bible much.

And really, I wish that so many people would see that. I wish they would come to the understanding that they don't know you or what you want--no one does. I wish people could understand that we all  exist in this world with each other and that we should just try our best to be good people and not try to judge others for their faults. It has never been our place to judge, it's yours. And God, there's only one thing I don't like about my faith today, I don't know if I'm going to heaven. Before, I was sure I was going to heaven but I hated the person I was. Now, I don't know, and I like the person I am, I am myself. And I'll never know God, because while my life is my own and I make it what I want, everything truly is in your hands.

Sincerrly,
Keshia

Fin
-Keshia

#12/100 Books in  2012: The Secret Garden

I just could not get through War of the Worlds, I conked out around five chapters. I'll try again someday.