BEDA 7: I have no friends....

It occurs to me that I really have no friends here in Washington. In Alabama I had friends, friends that I was so close to that it was scary. I mean, I can literally feel a physical pull on myself to go back to Alabama and hug those people. It's really been a while since I've had a good and proper hug from a friend. In fact, the last person I hugged was Marina, the night before I left for Washington. I'm feeling a littl bit hug deprived.

And, my friends, I realize how lonely of an existance that I've thrown myself into. Most of the time it doesn't bother me, I want to travel my whole life because I want to see the world. But I've also realized that unless I find someone with passions similar to my own that I'm never going to have that opportunity to have such a close friend again. But I'm perfectly fine with it, but it does bother me sometimes, just a little, like a twinge at the back of my throat that makes me want to cry because I miss my friends so much. However, I will be in Washington for about two years before I head back down south to Florida for my Disney internship. I think I'll have plenty of opportunity to make new friends. In fact, I already have people I talk to on a regular basis that aren't just coworkers or insignificant people. But in m heart I know I'll never be close to people like I was in Alabama. These are people who I've grown up with, people who have seen me at every moment in my life up until now. Friendship like that just can't be erased.

BEDA 5/6: McDonalds

So it's hard to post when I work alot. The last two days I've had these awkward shifts (11am-7pm) where I don't have time to do stuff before work nor do I have the time or energy to do stuff afterward. But luckily for me once school starts I can get my work settled out and my schedules won't be so random anymore. September 19th better hurry up.
So my blogs ran into each other. Boom! Super collision! Mostly I just wanted to tlak about Mcdonalds. My toughts right before walking into there to apply were this is going to be hell. It turns out it isn't. I really love my job in a fast food place, this wierd corporation called McDonalds. My coworkers are nice and the work is fun and easy. ost of the time my days fly by.Which is wierd, the complete opposite of what I think. I used to think that working in a fast food place would be terrible but nah, it isn't.

BEDA 4: Didn't you know I'm the perfect girl?

So to be honest I almost forgot about BEDA, I only just remembered while I was taking a shower earlier. Also, whilst I was taking a shower I realized I'm still terrified of getting water in my eyes. When I was younger I squeezed my eyes shut so tightly it hurt and refused to go into a pool without goggles. I still do this, I'm still terrified of water. I close my eyes tight, I don't get why, I just do. But, this however, is irrelvent to today's blog post.

Today after work I sat down with one of my managers, Tiger. Tiger is on the younger side, super tall, and flirts with every girl that is within a five foot radius of him. For some reason Tiger and I started talking about our view on relationships, I'm not sure how we came to this suject. But basically, after I explained my view, how I don't believe in marriage and blah, blah, blah, Tiger said I was like the perfect girl. My only thought was that Tiger doesn' really know me. But then I thought about it and realized that I have in fact been told this before, soon before I left Alabama. So, this gets me thinking? If I'm such a perfect girl then why aren't guys pining after me? One thing probably has to do with looks, I'm not ugly but I'm not really pretty either. Like most other things in my life (height, weight, intelligence, voice) I fall somewhere in the average catergory. Another reason, I decided, is because I'm too annoying. I know myself, I know I'm annoying and I know that I am irksome to some people. And lastly I think it's because I'm too unique. Well, unique is the nice way of putting it. I'm wierd, this I know too. But it's me and I made it clear this past year that I'm not changing or anyone. Though of course, in reality, I don't care at all. Right now I'm not dreaming about love at all. I'm dreaming about my dreams. So guys who think I'm perfect can just stay out of the picture.

An besides, who wants a girlfriend who still afraid of water?

BEDA 3: I cheated.

I cheated, on two things, actually. First and foremost, BEDA. Originally, I didn't plan on doing BEDA. I hardly blog here, I only came on to check who my new follower was. I mean, when not that many people are interested in your life, you wanna see who actually is. But then I read through of all of Kristina Horner's BEDA (s) so far along with her blogs from vidcon and I suddenly had the urge to do BEDA myself. I mean, I'm always wanting to write more in here. Now I'll feel obligated to, but I cheated. I'm two days late. Who cares? No one, because no one really reads this.
The second thing I cheated on was my yearbook. Remember a while back when I promised I wasn't going to read any yearbook things until the plane to Washington. I lied. I actually read everything in my yearbook the day Marina and I got in a fight. I think it was sort of a therapy, she didn't seem to care about me anymore so I wanted to see who did. So I read my yearbook and cried more. You see, that's the thing about me when I'm sad, I don't believe anything good to happen. I just convinced myself those people were liars and they didn't care for me. But that do.

Anyways, fin.
I do realize BEDA is supposed to indeed be a 'tell what you did today kind of thing', and yes indeed it will be that....tomorrow.

Keshia's Booklist: If I Stay by Gayle Forman

Something new I'm starting, I'm going to do book reviews here because I read so darn much I might as well do something with it.

If I Stay is a powerful book about a musically inclined seventeen year old girl, Mia, who has just been in an accident that killed her whole family and left her non-feeling spirit to decide whether she wants to live by staying or die.

My initial reaction to the book was not very positive. You are thrown into the life of Mia, who seems to have everything going for her; loving parents and almost spot in Julliard for her and her cello. The only problem seems to be the seperation from her boyfriend, Adam, and his rise to stardom in his punk 'emo-core' band Shooting Star. I thought, oh, this is going to be one of those love stories where the couple has to overcome the obstacle of seperation and continue to stay in love. This did not elate me, not that I don't like those stories, I've just gotten burnt out on them latelty. Too much of Sarah Dessen XP

But the story took a really surprising change. Mia and her family get in a car accident, instantly killing her Mom and Dad. I've read a few car crash scenes, I've even written one before, but the crash scene in this story is simply brilliant. In the first few pages Mia discusses how she plays the cello and is classic music fanatic. She describes the car crash as a symphony, all colliding parts and crashing elements. Even though it is something quite horrible I saw it as beautiful. I think that Mia seeing her dead parents was done quite tastefully, without the right out descriptions of blood and gore and yet you could see the horrific scenes; they're battered bodies.

As her body is moved to the hospital I finally realized that Mia was having an outer body experience. I'm slow and I didn't realize this. The rest of the book switches from flashbacks of Mia's past to her in present time, following her body which rests in a comatose state. Throughout the flashbacks I feel like Mia's parents come to life. Even though I know they are dead, both of them lifeless within the first few pages. But yet, through her memories the reader gets to see them. Her understanding and strong mother who can be a bit of a 'bitch.' And her father, former punk band guitarist and now English teacher. Mia feels like she is a black sheep in the family, while everyone is into the 'punk' scene Mia throws herself into her cello practice and classic music. But while she feels almost left out I'm quite jealous of the loving family atmosphere they have. They are always encouraging her. The connection to her friend Kim is great. They don't seem to have the "we're best freinds forever" girly and typical teenage atttitude about it. Mostly they seem to be there for each other, even if opposite. Plus their fight, and how they became friends after it, was priceless.

In her memories we find that she was coming down to two choices in her life. Her love of music or her love of Adam. The relationship in this book was great, a brilliant one that should be looked up to. Mia and Adam aren't the teenage couple who are all mushy gushy and think they're in love but aren't. They're really in love, I think Forman did a great job here. The words, their understanding of each, and how much they try for each other shows their love. And also, her passion with music. In this book music plays a big part of it, every character seems to be linked to her in some way due to music. It's hard to understand the feeling, the passion for music unless you're actually a musician yourself. I can completly understand Mia in this sense. But even for those who aren't musicians, I think they can still feel Mia's passion--how she and her cello are one. And in the end it's music that makes Mia come back and decide to stay.

Overall I think this was one hell of a book. I'm probably going to pick up my own copy the next time I go to the bookstore. I love the way it delves into human emotion, it's compelling and it really makes the reader think. I mean, what would you do if you had the choice to live or die when it seems you have nothing more to live for?

So, I'm actually busy...

For the first time in a long time I can actually say I'm busy. I mean busy as in the way where most of my time isn't spent dancing around my room with music blasting and me claiming to be busy. I've moved into my own house now. I love it, I really do. I feel like an adult. Some people would crack under the pressure of responsibility, suddenly having all of these things to handle, and yet I'm not. I relish in it. I think I was always built for an independent life, I always felt like I was. I mean, there has to be some explanation  to why I love being alone. And now I don't have ot worry about anyone judging me, espicially not Mom. I feel so much freedom now that I'm out of her grasps.

I've done so much in Washington. It's amazing that I've only been here for two weeks and I've already done so much. In general I really don't feel like explaining, I mean, no one much cares about my life in detail. Who reads this blog anyways? Mostly I just love life right now. Happiness in Pursuit, thank you Thomas Jefferson.

Noted.

I've been in Washington since monday now, I've literally been running around the city from morning to night. There's so much stuff you have to do when you move to a new state. But mostly, I love it here. I know that's not very descriptive, I'm being brief. Right now I'm sitting in the Everett Public Library (this place has literally become my second home, I've hung out here everyday since I've gotten here) and I feel like my typing is annoying. There are people sitting all around me with laptops but not a single one is typing, or they have alln perfected a method of typing that isn't as noisy as mine. I'll write more stuff later...mostly this is to let you know I'm here, in Washington and I love it.