An Introvert.

"I like being an introvert. I like being quiet. I like being thoughtful. I like spending time on my own. And I hope that if we do meet, you will accept me for that. Social awkwardness included."

Charlie McDonnell

There's something I've learned about myself and it's something I've accepted. It's because it's always been here, from as far back as I can remember. And people don't realize this of me, they see other things. But I am not those other things, I am myself, and for the most part I know myself. There are a lot of things I don't know but I'd rather not rely on the observations of others to figure that out. It would make me lose myself, you see?

Let's say this, I am an introvert, and I do like being an introvert. I am always alone and have been ever since I have always known. It's like this, I can be surrounded by a group of people, friends, strangers, I don't care....and I am still alone. That is how it is. I am wrapped up in it and always have been, it's a very tight bind. But I really want to make no efforts to escape. Because I really don't mind or care about being alone. I actually really love it. You see, in order for me to feel not alone I'll have to find someone who understands me. And the world should know by now there is no understanding to me. And so yes, I can have friends. I really can. Does it help me feel any less lonely, no, it'd doesn't. But loneliness doesn't nesscarily have to be a bad thing. I really don't think it is. It makes me sad sometimes, but it's not because of me and my lonliness, it's because of others that I feel like it's bad. The world expects you you to go out and make lots of friends. The world expects you try to find someone to understand you. And in turn the world expects you to dislike the loneliness. But I don't, I really don't. I revel in it, in the staying in being in my bed. In the sitting for hours and just thinking. And yes, I could be going out with friends and doing things, but it wouldn't help. And it doesn't need help. And I really think that is one thing that is so hard to understand about me. I love my lonliness, I really do. And I don't plan to change it much. Because yes I will go out and do things and have friends, and all of that. But it's not going to effect how alone I feel. I will always feel alone when there is a lack of understanding of my character. And yes, I'm only nineteen, I know I have plenty of years left, but so far no one has come even close to  grasping a true understanding of me. No one. Some people understand a few parts of me but no one will understand who I truly am.

Which seems all chessy and cliche, there is a real me, and the world me, and the everything me. So many mes, all different perceptions and things. But I  know who the real me is and she is alone, and she loves it.

Fin.
-Keshia

Currently Reading The Little White Bird by J. M. Barrie